it's not over :[

to someone who suppose to read this :[

i don't understand. i miss you damn much but do i love you? every time you broke my heart, i broke down. every time you left me, i felt so lonely. every time you said sorry, i felt so guilty. what is actually happening to me? i just couldn't understand.

i'm falling apart, i weep and weep, cry and cry, broke into pieces and every tears down like razorblades, i couldn't help myself. it's like i'm playing in my own game alone, feeling lonely, so lonely. despite of my loneliness, are you willing to share your laughter with me? or your tears perhaps? no, you won't do that. you'll never do that. what exactly i am to you? who am i? i'm nothing.

i lose myself in all these fights, i lose my sense of wrong and right. i couldn't decide. am i wrong or it's you? i'm not the one to blame, same goes to you. if it's no one's fault, why is it over? it can't be over. why shouldn't it be over and over again? why shouldn't it be forever? i wish that i could take it back, bring back all the happiness to you. but i know i couldn't. and the only words that can heal everything is a sincere apology. i'm so sorry :[