a slice of bread

living in a sunny part of the world where morning sun is sheer pleasure is indeed a geographical fortune of mine. hence i love stepping out for a walk, anywhere will do, friends accompanying would be just perfect :)


but there are times when you get cornered by vagrants or beggars when you're eating, or maybe shopping. 

like everywhere else in the world, beggars often approach strangers for money. as a girl i am always a little fearful of this and tried to shorten the experience as much as possible. i avoided eye contact and quickly drew change from my pocket for them or shook my head in decline if i had none. i felt unfairly targeted and yes, some of them were bothersome. 


i do feel sorry for their poverty and wanted to help like anyone else would. but i felt annoyed and bothered by them especially when i really don't have change on me and they still persist.


i remember one day my big brother and i walked past a foreign, mid east looking man, carrying his daughter back and forth in KLIA. as soon as i saw him looking at us, i averted my gaze pretending not to see him. he approaches us though and i got puzzled. he told us that he was stuck for days in KLIA with no money and no food. all his belongings were taken by some stranger, guess the word 'robbed' would be appropriate. but who knows if he's cheating? explanation went on, my big brother took out RM50 and gave him away. 

that man conveyed his gratitude, so sincerely but i kept questioning my brother if he was cheating as we walked away. "Allah knows if he's cheating.", my brother answered. 


then a sudden thought popped into my mind - Allah knows everything and He creates everything. Human beings, animals, plants; it doesn't really matter, for all of them are the creations of Allah. 


think again, 2:43, muslims are encouraged to emulate the messenger of Allah, that is to assess and pay their zakah, ever ask why? 

i'm pretty sure you've heard of Bill Gates, one of the richest men in the world. imagine, if he gives away 2.5% of his money to the poor people in the world. you can roughly calculate how much of his wealth that is contributed for good to the world, soon improve the HDI of the country hence increases the national income, GDP, GNP, NNI and so on. not to mention, the reduced crime and better opportunities for all.


learning economics simultaneously seeking the truth in Islam makes me realize so many things. subhanallah, the beauty of zakah; it's more than just a tax, it's more than charity. it's a tool that fosters justice and harmony. even though we're not connected, even though our skin color or maybe religion, or race is different, it's still a life that Allah has granted to them.


what if we start with a little alms (sedekah)? instead of paying RM5 for unhealthy junk food and beverage, why don't we give it away to those who can't even afford a slice of bread?

"While earning your daily bread, be sure you share with those less fortunate,"

- P.S I Love You

p/s: sorry for the very-late-update. IB is currently inducing overexertion in schoolwork, violently impedes my already-non-existent social life. but no worries, i'm surviving it! kbye ;)

assalam alaik! :D

who knows, this Ramadhan could be my last?

a few years back, i had always struggled with covering my awra. considering myself as an orchestra simultaneously a brass band clarinet player, surrounded by multicultural friends in school, i delayed it. i thought too much on how hijab would soon change me, especially on how my chinese and indian friends would treat me indifferently than before. again and again, i decided to delay, assuming; 'alas, the time will come.'

and so, i failed to cover them, up until my upper secondary school years.

i enrolled into boarding school then, inheriting so-called family tradition, along with the dream to become a scholar like my brother someday. i worked hard and tried to score every tests and examinations that i came across and successfully obtaining consistent high marks.

i did a lot of hard work - for nothing really.

it's compulsory to wear hijab in boarding school and so i obeyed. i soon tried to wear it outside the school and i succeeded. my first year of being a 'hijaber' was a success, i thought.

until, a chinese friend of mine asked me about hijab and the only thing i did was to regurgitate what others say about Islamic modesty, wearing it for Allah’s sake as He commanded it etc. but i didn’t mean it. i didn't feel satisfied with it.

yes, hijab had been my weakness.
if someone, anyone wanted to plant a seed of resentment in me, they'd start with hijab. force me to wear it. promise me the hell-fire.

perhaps i just want to feel joy and faith when i do things, just like everything i do in life. even when i feed any cat or fish, feeling compassion for it in its current state, i feel joy and faith taking care of Allah’s creation.

i even wondered why does Allah; oblige us to cover up ourselves, cover our aurat.

because Islam challenges us to be the best we can be.
i believe my struggles with hijab, is the key challenge for me. may also be true for sisters whose families or even whose cultures are not particularly observant, i know, i've been through the whole thing.

for others it may be something else, especially if hijab is no problem for you. i am a Muslim. i have no qualms, no shyness about being muslim and believing that Islam is the truth. life, science, maths, geography, history, medicine, everything reflects Islam and Islam reflects everything. you can deny it, but it will still exist. it’s like the huge pink elephant in the room that nobody wants to acknowledge. just like gravity, like kinetic energy, like 1 + 1 = 2, like cells multiplying, Islam does not need human belief to exist. gravity will still pull everything to earth, 1 + 1 will always be 2, cells will continue to multiply even if we deny that these are truths. Islam is true, quran is true. 17:105

hence awra is an Islamic truth. 24:31


and so i reflected each and every passing moment of mine
how He started to bring me into path, He introduced to me ukhwah, He conveyed His commands and messages through them, He shows His affection and love by answering my prayers sometimes declined them too, yet He still gives the best. 2:153

and He protects me from going astray
He placed me into another better place, Mara College Seremban. He gives me another wonderful family, He blessed me another Ramadhan, and yes, He even brings along my whole family into His only path this Ramadhan. alhamdulillah, thank you, thank you ya Allah. this ramadhan means so much to me ya Allah. subhanallah, Allah knows best. 22:68

i've learnt so much things within this holy month. i've taken inspiration from friends, new friends, seniors and even reverts who practice Islam with so much conviction and faith. nothing can sway them and they are satisfied. and i realize they, themselves have walked their own paths. they have learned, studied, gathered knowledge and chose Islam. they also made mistakes, for each person is weak and prone to sin and error. 4:110

insyaAllah, i would like to be the same. i'd like to feel like i'm doing the best thing, that i'm practicing the eternal truth.

i want to feel happy wearing hijab. i don’t want to begrudge a piece of cloth.


and who knows, this Ramadhan could be my last Ramadhan, hence i seek forgiveness from anyone who knows me and i am forgiving anyone who has done the same to me. not to forget, my greatest gratitude to anyone who had changed me for the better. thank you so much, may Allah bless you guys :)

assalam alaik! :D

we're so lucky, batch 93

warning: the following post may seem to be a racial slur but keep in mind the writer is a malay, therefore there is no racial bs in this. furthermore, the writer would like to apologize on any damage inflicted by the following. everyone is entitled for their opinion and the writer has hers. freedom of speech is practiced in Malaysia. viewer discretion is advised :)



guess most of us are well aware of this. but if you don't, kindly check it here:
1. PSD scholarships to be reviewed next year or
2. PM: Total review of PSD scholarship policy in 2012 :)

earlier this month, i was shocked and i believe most of us were, as well since we're informed that students with top results didn't get PILN that they deserve to get despite the vow made by pm that all students scoring 8A+ and above will receive the PSD scholarships. some of them even ended up getting matrix and diploma to study in local.

i am not a straight A+ student in the first place but alhamdulillah, i got PILN. i was excited at the beginning but as time passes, i felt guilty. i thought that i didn't deserve to get it.

so last night i had a short yet thoughtful conversation with a friend of mine, Afiq who is pursuing his studies in UTM Skudai under MARA's Excellence Scheme Program (SPC). yes, he was offered a fast track engineering course even before spm result was announced. he's one of our top spm scorers in my former school and i must admit, he's indeed a potential student. he decided to stay on track, "even if most of your friends are studying abroad?", i asked.

"this is already a blessing. who knows that i may pursue my master abroad?" - he replied.

that very sentence itself had made me thought.

"do i deserve this?" - i doubted.
i didn't feel as ecstatic as i expected myself to be. yes of course, i am grateful, but somehow i still question myself: "do i deserve this?". i am a bumiputra, so when people say non-bumi scorers didn't get PILN, i was taken aback. why did i get this, and not them? what if someone needs it more that i need it? not to say that i am from a rich family, but i believe my parents can afford to send me to local IPTA for my studies. makes me wonder, this opportunity i am given, although i believe God fated it for me, maybe, just maybe, if someone whose financial state is worse than mine is given the opportunity - maybe it'll be more worthy? maybe it'll make a whole lot more of a difference.



"opportunity knocks but only once, yin" - my heart whispered.
why don't i just accept it and make full use of this opportunity to study hard, get my degree, and come back to serve my nation? yes, the only approach to this situation is i've promised to study real hard and not to take it for granted. it is not a privilege, it's a responsibility. we're using the people's money, they've worked to earn, feed their kids and paid taxes. being a government scholar is never about the fame or the bragging rights because after our studies, we'll work in the government, for the people.



"yes, the people" - i assured myself.
we study for them, we work for them, we serve them. not the political party that runs the government, not the royal family that leads our constitution - but the people of Malaysia, regardless of their race and faith.

yes, i want to educate people to love themselves, how each and everyone of my patient is so precious. i want the entire nation to appreciate themselves with the only way possible – take a good care of their own body. and i strongly believe that an education supported by using people’s money, who pay taxes every year, should be giving back to what they’ve paid for, and this i aim to achieve.

insyaAllah, i'll do my best in IB. lillahitaa'la :)

so dear friends, jpa/mara or any scholars, even those who're studying in IPTAs and pre-u program provided allowance every month, be grateful that we're given financial aid from the government. whether it's PIDN or PILN, be thankful that we had at least secured a place to continue our studies.

always believe that this is part of Allah's wonderful plan in our life. as for those brilliant students who didn't get a scholarship, perhaps God is moulding them and preparing them for something even greater.

remember, taking the scholarship for granted and not doing their best is like stealing people's money.

and for this i would like to wish everyone: all the best! :)

assalamualaikum :D