if there is always a light at the end of the tunnel

you know how there are somedays when everything goes right, it all falls into place effortlessly and you feel great. there's something in the way things work out that make you feel happy, like getting flying colours result and all you've been thinking is to give your parents a look at it and get compliments?

and you look back and think: even if it didn't go the way i planned i wouldn't have changed anything about it because it couldn't have happened any better.



but during our toiling and planning, during our crisis we tend to think: oh man! this had better work or else all my efforts are wasted. in troubling times we may throw our hands up in the air and shout "why me?!". there is wisdom in the line: "you know, one day we'll look back and laugh at this." you can't feel it then but life turns out for the best all of the time.

what if we could stop in the midst of our work or our dilemmas and feel those after-the-fact feelings of happiness and security. if there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, wouldn't our troubling experiences be much easier to go through? wouldn't we be better able to think and handle the situation if we could be assured that no matter what choice we make (provided we strive to make what we feel is the right choice) it will be okay. definitely it'll be grand!

i did feel bad about the interview that i've failed to go through; been thinking where did i screw up, what have i done wrong, even been thinking if i choose the other course instead of medic, would i have been chosen? none of us who applied for medic manage to get the express-scholarship - skim pelajar cemerlang (SPC) offered by MARA (to be honest, it's really hard to get spc for medic as there's quota for the borneo's students; only 5 for the whole sabah and sarawak).

ray and allan; it's a lie if i told you both that i'm strong and i don't really care about the scholarship. we've been struggling to do our best for that very interview; for trial MARA even during the interview we tried to be strong and face every questions that showered us. but one thing that i realised after the interview is; do not think that you're the best if you're not but try to be the best instead.

no worries, it's just possible to feel blessed and joyful even in the crappiest of times. IT IS a truely out-of-place euphoria to feel happy despite the pain, and peaceful despite the chaos. it's like being suspended in time while history and the future rush and melt, and you realise "what does it really matter? if i didn't have this problem, it'd be another. might as well enjoy it because stressing out is wasted effort flung in all directions and just dissipates into the air."

i guess some call it 'living in the moment', even the bad moments. feeling blessed and happy is always there, even in bad times, we just don't pay it any attention. just look and you'll see.

because; i'm a true believer that Allah is with us. he's always there; watching how we react to this tribulation. i have no more regrets that despite all efforts, i failed the interview. don't i cry? yes, i did and still cry especially when i forward my forgiveness to God; how i may become a forgetful servant and how sometimes i become laghaa with all temptations. i learn to cleanse my heart and i really feel the guilt that it is still not purify because of the anger and sadness. ya Allah, i am truly seeking your forgiveness.

please forgive me and insyaAllah this long tunnel will end with lights. amin :)