Saturday, July 18, 2009

alone ≠ lonely

it's been #%$&@ months since my last relationship. never thought of getting a new one, never thought of anyone either. just me and my own life.

i'm sicked of those things. sicked of everything that i've done, everything that i've wasted yesterdays. wasting for something that will never end my waiting. wanting for something that will never ban me from waiting. what i've done for all this while is just waiting.

it's a slap in the face when i knew my ex starts dating again while i'm not. a punch on my face too when i knew that i still have feelings for my ex while he's not. and now, it's the stupidest thing that i've ever knew for doing such a thing, it's like some bitch waiting for some dogs.

i received my very own wake up call when i stepped into a whole new world. a world which is a total nerd for me at first but it then turns me to a matured girl who had finally believed in fate instead of chasing something undefined. yes, i believed in fate more than i do yesterday.

my %&@# ex text me yesterday. i didn't know where the hell did he get my number from. he knew that i'm back. i mean, came back home. yeah, btw, i'm home. he asked me for some date which i considered as a stupid date. he owns a girlfriend, a moron i might say. i rejected him but he's offering for watching the latest movie, HARRY POTTER but still, i'm on my words, it's a NO. well, such a waste. but no worries, i'm buying it's CD or DVD or whatever related to harry potter.

he asked me about relationship. i mean my relationship. kinda offended, awkward at the same time. he told me that he's single, specifically, broken up with his last girlfriend. so what? did i ask for it? no. i don't care at all. see, guys are just too ego and dependent. they rely on girls but they deny it. they need girls by saying that they love the girl but they actually NEED girls. so what if you didn't have girlfriend? and so what if i didn't have boyfriend? i'm still alive, stupid guy!

YES, i'm perpetually single. even if i meet someone's great, i won't date him till i've finished my spm. i've had those friends who have to have a boyfriend all the time and as soon as it doesn't work out with one, they jump into another one within 24 hours and that's HUMILIATING! what would happen if you were stuck in a relationship with someone who wasn't right for you, just because you were lonely? being alone is just not the same as being lonely.

besides, what for hoping for something that probably didn't last long? it'll only leave wounds or worse, a broken heart. what exactly relationship for? what does it mean anyway? it means nothing.

i believe in fate. someday, somehow, i'll meet my true love but not now. i believe in fairy tales and i have to believe in love. a lil advice to all teens here, *those who're having relationship now*; if you guys are really meant to be together, you'll meet each other when the time comes, no matter what happened. so, what for having some undefined relationship now?

okay, i'm alone but it doesn't mean that i'm lonely. i'm just happy with my life right now and that's what i call freedom.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


ok, everything's getting better. i guess. i'm forgiven, same goes to her. but for sure, she'll never forget what happened on that very day. and me? i've forgotten, well almost except the fact that i've to be 'shooed' out of her best friends' room. but nvm, someday, she'll know it feels to be shooed. haha. xD


so move'on to my life. i'm having a very very pleasent day. obviously, it's because of my next trip. haha, yeah right, TRIP. and this trip will be the worst trip ever since i'll be living in the jungle for like 72 hours 3 days to be exact continuosly and i'll be then looked like a tarzan, well, not really a tarzan, wife of his could be better :D

it's a camp. a pandu puteri's camp at kota putra, terengganu. so, again, off we go! and recently, i've been living like i've some boyfriends. i mean it, BOYFRIENDS. haha, not really boyfriends, it's just some scandals in the phone. hihihi ;D

i didn't know that someone took my phone number when i'm in MRSM Batu Pahat. every day of my life there goes with the flow except for this one guy, kept staring at me whenever i was there. ok, he's PUM, incharged for the kiosk everyday. i still remember the last sweater i bought from him and surprisingly, he did TOO.

i received an unknown phone call when i reached tawau. i text the person and he said, he was the one who sold the last sweater to me. i mean, WTH? i didn't even know who the hell he was. well, of course, we talked a few times but then almost most of them 'laughed' at our BM, i mean our SABAHAN BM which is a BAKU to them which i 100% disagree with. okay, i'm quite mad with that matter. whatever.

so, move on to my story, so, now, we're texting each other for almost everyday. idk, he seems cute, probably. we've met each other for sometimes...yeah, and he wished to meet me again in TUNAS SAINTIS in Balik Pulau this October. it's about science thingy and i hope, once again, i was chosen to go there :)

pray for me :DD

besides him, there's another him sms me. this time, i didn't know which one is him. i mean, another him. but for sure, this two HIMs is from the same school, MRSM Batu Pahat. so, whatever. okay, an explanation here, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS. for the time being. hihi.

that's all for now. till then :)

Monday, July 13, 2009


i'm having the worst fight right now. for God sake, it's the worst fight ever, i mean for this week. it was between me and someone who's obviously a paranoid person who'd ONLY think for the sake of herself and would only think for her own good which is totally NOT MATURED of specifically, IMMATURE !

i'. quite mad of this situation well actually YES, i'm very mad of her. she's kind of person that would only rely on the others but would never think of the others. i don't care if she's paranoid or something 'cause for God sake, i love her as a friend but for sure, i don wanna make it obvious. honestly, i don't like to show my love to someone i loved or maybe i don't know how to express those feelings but come'on laa, you're big enough to judge which one is right and which one is wrong.

and i think both of us had done some stupidest silliset mistake ever.

ok, f and i want to help you, yes we did. last night's situation had nothing to do with our condition in the past. i've always knew that i often hurt you but think again, that's for your own good. okay, maybe i sound hush to you, but that's the way i am. i can't make myself become some feminine girl who would pursue you, give you wake up call every second of your life til the end of your life. speak it for real, I'M SICK OF YOU.

yes, i'm cruel, violent, or terorist you might say. whatever, i don't care. and it's time for me judge you, you're kind-hearted but selfish, emotional and most of all you're SENSITIVE.

so, whatever,. if you wanna remain this way, it's up to you then. i've no more right to change you and i don;t think i can do this anymore. i gave up and it's all up to you, my friend.

p/s: it's just a broken piece of mine, ignore it if you don't understand. dedicated to someone.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

i wanna go home :(

after being away for 5 days, i've made my decision. i've heard so many things about me when i'm not in tawau. people has been talking about it lately and i felt really uncomfortable with it. i'm so not in the mood right now. it seems like i don't wanna come back here again. i wanna get away from this hell school, technically, from those HELL PEOPLE. YES i do.

i'm having a really2 bad mood right now. terribly need someone who understands me. but it seems like i have no one right now. my soul ain't here, my heart ain't here, everything's just not right. i just wish i can go back to Batu Pahat and spend my whole life there. yeah, btw, i've just came back from Batu pahat for Math Carnival.

we've reached the final stage for our computer project, but unfortunately we won nothing. but out of 44 MRSM, we're the top 10, it's quite a great achievement what :) but nywy, congrats to farhana nabilah from MRSM batu pahat, my new friend, they got the first prize for computer project + diivan for getting the best debater among every MRSM in Malaysia. if you get to know him, he's really nice and a mad one.

indeed, it was great to get new friends, new environment and most of all NEW CLOTHES. trust me or not, i've bought 7 tees and i spent quite a number on tees ONLY. they're designed one, just for mrsm students only. they're awesomely cool ! :D but despite of my happiness there, i'm NOT HAPPY here.

no one will ever understand me. it's too complicated to be written here but i'm sure i'm relieved after quite a time leaving this hell school and now, i'm back again, meeting the same persons, who always talk behind my back and it's annoying.

current mood : indescribable.

p/s : about my last post, ignore it. it was more complicated than what i've written :(