alone ≠ lonely

it's been #%$&@ months since my last relationship. never thought of getting a new one, never thought of anyone either. just me and my own life.

i'm sicked of those things. sicked of everything that i've done, everything that i've wasted yesterdays. wasting for something that will never end my waiting. wanting for something that will never ban me from waiting. what i've done for all this while is just waiting.

it's a slap in the face when i knew my ex starts dating again while i'm not. a punch on my face too when i knew that i still have feelings for my ex while he's not. and now, it's the stupidest thing that i've ever knew for doing such a thing, it's like some bitch waiting for some dogs.

i received my very own wake up call when i stepped into a whole new world. a world which is a total nerd for me at first but it then turns me to a matured girl who had finally believed in fate instead of chasing something undefined. yes, i believed in fate more than i do yesterday.

my %&@# ex text me yesterday. i didn't know where the hell did he get my number from. he knew that i'm back. i mean, came back home. yeah, btw, i'm home. he asked me for some date which i considered as a stupid date. he owns a girlfriend, a moron i might say. i rejected him but he's offering for watching the latest movie, HARRY POTTER but still, i'm on my words, it's a NO. well, such a waste. but no worries, i'm buying it's CD or DVD or whatever related to harry potter.

he asked me about relationship. i mean my relationship. kinda offended, awkward at the same time. he told me that he's single, specifically, broken up with his last girlfriend. so what? did i ask for it? no. i don't care at all. see, guys are just too ego and dependent. they rely on girls but they deny it. they need girls by saying that they love the girl but they actually NEED girls. so what if you didn't have girlfriend? and so what if i didn't have boyfriend? i'm still alive, stupid guy!

YES, i'm perpetually single. even if i meet someone's great, i won't date him till i've finished my spm. i've had those friends who have to have a boyfriend all the time and as soon as it doesn't work out with one, they jump into another one within 24 hours and that's HUMILIATING! what would happen if you were stuck in a relationship with someone who wasn't right for you, just because you were lonely? being alone is just not the same as being lonely.

besides, what for hoping for something that probably didn't last long? it'll only leave wounds or worse, a broken heart. what exactly relationship for? what does it mean anyway? it means nothing.

i believe in fate. someday, somehow, i'll meet my true love but not now. i believe in fairy tales and i have to believe in love. a lil advice to all teens here, *those who're having relationship now*; if you guys are really meant to be together, you'll meet each other when the time comes, no matter what happened. so, what for having some undefined relationship now?

okay, i'm alone but it doesn't mean that i'm lonely. i'm just happy with my life right now and that's what i call freedom.