it was one o'clock in the morning when everyone had gotten themselves into their own fantasy world. it was dark, silent, peace but it's meaningless. it made me feel even more upset, even more irritated. i glanced around my own room, thinking of something that is not defined. thinking about something complicated, more than i've ever had and i just don't know why. i just couldn't close my eyes and maybe this time was, insomnia.
my phone rang and it cracked the peace of night. my mind turns zero in a sudden.
*who would call me in the middle of the night? would it be an emergency?*
so, i just picked it up.
me : hello?
caller : hello. ney nabila ka?
me : eyaa. sepa ney yeaa?
caller : still remember me?
me : ermm? you are...
*i hesitated. that sound is really familiar. is it him?*
caller : it's me, taufiq.
me : oww, yeaa... yes. ermm?
caller : i know you might want to stop this conversation right away but please, give me some chance.
me : chance? what do you mean?
caller : you knew it. me either. i just hope that...
me : we can get back like before?
caller : yeaa. i really hope for it. if you don't mind.
*what do you mean I DON'T MIND? what am i? a loser who was desperate for love?*
me : you knew our past. you're the one who ruined it. you broke my heart and now you're getting me back? what exactly do you want from me? tears???
caller : i...just can't live without you. you're the one who made me laugh and even cry. you made me realized the real love. you made me respect every girls in this world. you're my everything and i'm really sorry for what i've done.
*sorry? will the word 'sorry' heal everything that happened? will it change our past? no! *
me : ....
caller : okei, perhaps you need time. i really wish we can be... you know, like before. cuz i really love you.
*i love you either. love you more than you've ever did.*
me : .... i can't take it anymore. you know how hurt am i when you left me alone? you left me with the tears, you left me without sympathy. you left me with your memories and love ! and now, you're taking me back? as what? as an idiot girl who'll be cheated by guys, again?
caller : stop it ! you do not know how painful i was that time. you didn't even know. you didn't know all this while i'm having miserable days. you didn't even give me some space for explaination.
me : explaination? what else do you want to explain? you have another girlfriend? or you actually didn't love me at all?
caller : i love you more than anything. it's just that...
me : what?
caller : i've to leave you. my mom knew about us. everything. so, i've no choice other than leaving you without any reason. my mom banned me from using phone. i thought you would forget about me.
me : but you hurt me ! i broke down and i felt like the world is no longer alive. i felt so dark. so lonely. ...*i cried*
caller : i...*he seems like crying* ...i need you. i can't take it anymore. i love you...
me : i love you too... *crying*
caller : i need you, yin. i missed you so much and i'm moving next year.
me : you're moving? i don't understand.
caller : yeaa, i'm moving to kk and we'll rarely meet each other again.
me : ermmm. i just don't know. i really need some time. to heal everything.
caller : i know. take your time. and one thing that i want you to know, i love you more than anything. i love you.
me : .....
caller : guess you're really sleepy right now. go bobok okay? fiq sayang sama yin. ermm, jangan buang cincin tuwh yaa yin?
me : ...
caller : yin??
me : yeaa.
caller : okay. bye. goodnight and sweetdreams.
me : goodnight. bye...
it's complicated. i just don't know. should i trust him? what if he cheated me once again? break my heart once again? and leave me alone like what he'd done before?
i...i just don't know. i wish everything will get better in time. nabila, stop thinking such a thing. you have to forget him, not only him, but all of these love stuff. you're just 15 and you shouldn't trap yourself in these kinds of stuff. you have to continue your life. you have to do this. YOU HAVE TO AND YOU CAN DO THIS !
you go girl !
status : jiwank gilakk wehh.
btw, this is my 60th post, congrates me ! yayy ! =.='