a slice of bread

living in a sunny part of the world where morning sun is sheer pleasure is indeed a geographical fortune of mine. hence i love stepping out for a walk, anywhere will do, friends accompanying would be just perfect :)


but there are times when you get cornered by vagrants or beggars when you're eating, or maybe shopping. 

like everywhere else in the world, beggars often approach strangers for money. as a girl i am always a little fearful of this and tried to shorten the experience as much as possible. i avoided eye contact and quickly drew change from my pocket for them or shook my head in decline if i had none. i felt unfairly targeted and yes, some of them were bothersome. 


i do feel sorry for their poverty and wanted to help like anyone else would. but i felt annoyed and bothered by them especially when i really don't have change on me and they still persist.


i remember one day my big brother and i walked past a foreign, mid east looking man, carrying his daughter back and forth in KLIA. as soon as i saw him looking at us, i averted my gaze pretending not to see him. he approaches us though and i got puzzled. he told us that he was stuck for days in KLIA with no money and no food. all his belongings were taken by some stranger, guess the word 'robbed' would be appropriate. but who knows if he's cheating? explanation went on, my big brother took out RM50 and gave him away. 

that man conveyed his gratitude, so sincerely but i kept questioning my brother if he was cheating as we walked away. "Allah knows if he's cheating.", my brother answered. 


then a sudden thought popped into my mind - Allah knows everything and He creates everything. Human beings, animals, plants; it doesn't really matter, for all of them are the creations of Allah. 


think again, 2:43, muslims are encouraged to emulate the messenger of Allah, that is to assess and pay their zakah, ever ask why? 

i'm pretty sure you've heard of Bill Gates, one of the richest men in the world. imagine, if he gives away 2.5% of his money to the poor people in the world. you can roughly calculate how much of his wealth that is contributed for good to the world, soon improve the HDI of the country hence increases the national income, GDP, GNP, NNI and so on. not to mention, the reduced crime and better opportunities for all.


learning economics simultaneously seeking the truth in Islam makes me realize so many things. subhanallah, the beauty of zakah; it's more than just a tax, it's more than charity. it's a tool that fosters justice and harmony. even though we're not connected, even though our skin color or maybe religion, or race is different, it's still a life that Allah has granted to them.


what if we start with a little alms (sedekah)? instead of paying RM5 for unhealthy junk food and beverage, why don't we give it away to those who can't even afford a slice of bread?

"While earning your daily bread, be sure you share with those less fortunate,"

- P.S I Love You

p/s: sorry for the very-late-update. IB is currently inducing overexertion in schoolwork, violently impedes my already-non-existent social life. but no worries, i'm surviving it! kbye ;)

assalam alaik! :D

who knows, this Ramadhan could be my last?

a few years back, i had always struggled with covering my awra. considering myself as an orchestra simultaneously a brass band clarinet player, surrounded by multicultural friends in school, i delayed it. i thought too much on how hijab would soon change me, especially on how my chinese and indian friends would treat me indifferently than before. again and again, i decided to delay, assuming; 'alas, the time will come.'

and so, i failed to cover them, up until my upper secondary school years.

i enrolled into boarding school then, inheriting so-called family tradition, along with the dream to become a scholar like my brother someday. i worked hard and tried to score every tests and examinations that i came across and successfully obtaining consistent high marks.

i did a lot of hard work - for nothing really.

it's compulsory to wear hijab in boarding school and so i obeyed. i soon tried to wear it outside the school and i succeeded. my first year of being a 'hijaber' was a success, i thought.

until, a chinese friend of mine asked me about hijab and the only thing i did was to regurgitate what others say about Islamic modesty, wearing it for Allah’s sake as He commanded it etc. but i didn’t mean it. i didn't feel satisfied with it.

yes, hijab had been my weakness.
if someone, anyone wanted to plant a seed of resentment in me, they'd start with hijab. force me to wear it. promise me the hell-fire.

perhaps i just want to feel joy and faith when i do things, just like everything i do in life. even when i feed any cat or fish, feeling compassion for it in its current state, i feel joy and faith taking care of Allah’s creation.

i even wondered why does Allah; oblige us to cover up ourselves, cover our aurat.

because Islam challenges us to be the best we can be.
i believe my struggles with hijab, is the key challenge for me. may also be true for sisters whose families or even whose cultures are not particularly observant, i know, i've been through the whole thing.

for others it may be something else, especially if hijab is no problem for you. i am a Muslim. i have no qualms, no shyness about being muslim and believing that Islam is the truth. life, science, maths, geography, history, medicine, everything reflects Islam and Islam reflects everything. you can deny it, but it will still exist. it’s like the huge pink elephant in the room that nobody wants to acknowledge. just like gravity, like kinetic energy, like 1 + 1 = 2, like cells multiplying, Islam does not need human belief to exist. gravity will still pull everything to earth, 1 + 1 will always be 2, cells will continue to multiply even if we deny that these are truths. Islam is true, quran is true. 17:105

hence awra is an Islamic truth. 24:31


and so i reflected each and every passing moment of mine
how He started to bring me into path, He introduced to me ukhwah, He conveyed His commands and messages through them, He shows His affection and love by answering my prayers sometimes declined them too, yet He still gives the best. 2:153

and He protects me from going astray
He placed me into another better place, Mara College Seremban. He gives me another wonderful family, He blessed me another Ramadhan, and yes, He even brings along my whole family into His only path this Ramadhan. alhamdulillah, thank you, thank you ya Allah. this ramadhan means so much to me ya Allah. subhanallah, Allah knows best. 22:68

i've learnt so much things within this holy month. i've taken inspiration from friends, new friends, seniors and even reverts who practice Islam with so much conviction and faith. nothing can sway them and they are satisfied. and i realize they, themselves have walked their own paths. they have learned, studied, gathered knowledge and chose Islam. they also made mistakes, for each person is weak and prone to sin and error. 4:110

insyaAllah, i would like to be the same. i'd like to feel like i'm doing the best thing, that i'm practicing the eternal truth.

i want to feel happy wearing hijab. i don’t want to begrudge a piece of cloth.


and who knows, this Ramadhan could be my last Ramadhan, hence i seek forgiveness from anyone who knows me and i am forgiving anyone who has done the same to me. not to forget, my greatest gratitude to anyone who had changed me for the better. thank you so much, may Allah bless you guys :)

assalam alaik! :D

we're so lucky, batch 93

warning: the following post may seem to be a racial slur but keep in mind the writer is a malay, therefore there is no racial bs in this. furthermore, the writer would like to apologize on any damage inflicted by the following. everyone is entitled for their opinion and the writer has hers. freedom of speech is practiced in Malaysia. viewer discretion is advised :)



guess most of us are well aware of this. but if you don't, kindly check it here:
1. PSD scholarships to be reviewed next year or
2. PM: Total review of PSD scholarship policy in 2012 :)

earlier this month, i was shocked and i believe most of us were, as well since we're informed that students with top results didn't get PILN that they deserve to get despite the vow made by pm that all students scoring 8A+ and above will receive the PSD scholarships. some of them even ended up getting matrix and diploma to study in local.

i am not a straight A+ student in the first place but alhamdulillah, i got PILN. i was excited at the beginning but as time passes, i felt guilty. i thought that i didn't deserve to get it.

so last night i had a short yet thoughtful conversation with a friend of mine, Afiq who is pursuing his studies in UTM Skudai under MARA's Excellence Scheme Program (SPC). yes, he was offered a fast track engineering course even before spm result was announced. he's one of our top spm scorers in my former school and i must admit, he's indeed a potential student. he decided to stay on track, "even if most of your friends are studying abroad?", i asked.

"this is already a blessing. who knows that i may pursue my master abroad?" - he replied.

that very sentence itself had made me thought.

"do i deserve this?" - i doubted.
i didn't feel as ecstatic as i expected myself to be. yes of course, i am grateful, but somehow i still question myself: "do i deserve this?". i am a bumiputra, so when people say non-bumi scorers didn't get PILN, i was taken aback. why did i get this, and not them? what if someone needs it more that i need it? not to say that i am from a rich family, but i believe my parents can afford to send me to local IPTA for my studies. makes me wonder, this opportunity i am given, although i believe God fated it for me, maybe, just maybe, if someone whose financial state is worse than mine is given the opportunity - maybe it'll be more worthy? maybe it'll make a whole lot more of a difference.



"opportunity knocks but only once, yin" - my heart whispered.
why don't i just accept it and make full use of this opportunity to study hard, get my degree, and come back to serve my nation? yes, the only approach to this situation is i've promised to study real hard and not to take it for granted. it is not a privilege, it's a responsibility. we're using the people's money, they've worked to earn, feed their kids and paid taxes. being a government scholar is never about the fame or the bragging rights because after our studies, we'll work in the government, for the people.



"yes, the people" - i assured myself.
we study for them, we work for them, we serve them. not the political party that runs the government, not the royal family that leads our constitution - but the people of Malaysia, regardless of their race and faith.

yes, i want to educate people to love themselves, how each and everyone of my patient is so precious. i want the entire nation to appreciate themselves with the only way possible – take a good care of their own body. and i strongly believe that an education supported by using people’s money, who pay taxes every year, should be giving back to what they’ve paid for, and this i aim to achieve.

insyaAllah, i'll do my best in IB. lillahitaa'la :)

so dear friends, jpa/mara or any scholars, even those who're studying in IPTAs and pre-u program provided allowance every month, be grateful that we're given financial aid from the government. whether it's PIDN or PILN, be thankful that we had at least secured a place to continue our studies.

always believe that this is part of Allah's wonderful plan in our life. as for those brilliant students who didn't get a scholarship, perhaps God is moulding them and preparing them for something even greater.

remember, taking the scholarship for granted and not doing their best is like stealing people's money.

and for this i would like to wish everyone: all the best! :)

assalamualaikum :D

so you want to be a doctor?

i admire the frankness and honesty in some articles, here and here. and do read up the other views from the other doctors, provided the link on the right column.

reality hurts, this phrase suits the medical profession very well. the bloggers (of MOs, HOs, specialists etc) did a great job in informing future doc-wannabes about the pros and cons of the profession, mostly about the misconception that the public has regarding the medical doctor.



i had my days in sandakan right after i finished my high school. considering my mom's profession who often deals with the medical staffs in general hospital, i took every opportunity just to at least know how the journey of a doctor would be, with a great hope that i will someday embark on this journey with passion, with great interest in the subject.

until, this one HO approached me and asked: are you sure you want to become a doctor? i nodded, reassured him with a yes.

still, he doubted me.

1. doctors have no life - he added.
i believe that we had goals. silly, egotistical goals of fame and money. not to forget, the adequate level of hormones such as testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin in our brain which will trigger the desire of having boyfriend/girlfriend and soon to bonding and creation of long term relationship, marriage.

to whom we're married, it's Allah's arrangement. with this belief and a little effort, insyaAllah, our sincere desire will be fulfilled since it's a sunnah from Rasulullah :)

fame and money? 4:77, 40:39.

2. gaji tak besar - he argued.
looking at the government sector, i believe salary does not keep in tandem with the forever rising costs of living. one day i will have my own family to feed, while taking care of the elderly in my family. and reconsider the hazardous long hours of working, i thought twice.

i once had an experience of working, as a cashier in KFC. some will doubt me in response: "how can you compare a cashier with a doctor?" this is not comparing, only to share my first working experiences. this career may sound like a 'cashier' but we did a lot more other things, rather than standing there comfortably waiting for customers, involving ourselves only with figures and money. we clean the equipments, deal with dissatisfied customers, cut the lettuce to 0.08mm width and 0.5mm of length, we measure every single thing according to the procedures. we even work overtime without overtime pay.

i believe the rest of the careers on earth require responsibilities and hard work, including doctors.

i know, i'm not yet a doctor and have no rights in discussing the reality of being a doctor in the first place.

3. but, why blame us?



what amuses me so much is how this person is actually happy and excited to see the disappointed faces of future doctors. all those good doctors in the country today, weren’t they “enthusiastic SPM leavers” once before? maybe he's talking about the ones who have a fantasy about being a doctor, i wish he does know that this affects every graduate, good or bad. again, why blame our passion?

if the housemanship in Malaysia is getting worse for the reason that unqualified students are eager to become doctors or i suppose had become ones, then create good entry qualifications and strict monitoring of the pre-u standards. MMC should be strict in monitoring quality itself. no, MMC should be a free body to monitor the standards of doctors practising in this country in the first place.

and, why remove medical common exam? it's the only way to segregate the quality students from those sub-par. all developed countries with well structured medical programs must have at least one licensing exam to ensure doctors are of certain quality. also, to maintain the quality of the healthcare system itself. why and why?



get distracted by those pessimistic views feels like being defeated. but, ever heard of: being defeated is often temporary, giving up makes it permanent? i may get distracted, but i'm not giving up.

16: 53, whatever blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah. alhamdulillah, to be arranged in this medical journey itself is a blessing from Him. and so, we hear and we obey. 2:286, this path may be hard, even if one day He took away one of our best abilities or blessings, or perhaps He doesn't fulfill any of our desires, always believe that He knows best.

i am assigned to this responsibility and so i will go on. inna mal a'malu binniat. insyaAllah :)

instead of preparation for IB, i'd rather talk about feelings :D

alhamdulillah, again and again i'm very grateful that He arranges this journey so perfectly. being offered in international baccalaureate for medicine was indeed my dream and now, it's a reality. insyaAllah.

so these days i've been reading on IB, yet i asked a lot even to the littlest things. *pardon my ignorance, seniors :)*

and through my observations, the most discussed topics were more or less on the level of difficulty itself and schedule conflicts. especially when it comes to assignments like EE, TOK and 150 hours of CAS to be completed over junior and senior years. and truth to be told, i am nervous as well.

1. therefore we tend to keep on feeling ANXIOUS :/
- in spite the nervousness that we already had. in fact, we're more curious to know more, what's this and that and all these are literally from internet specifically through the free web service that i'm using now, Blogger and the most reliable social web ever: Facebook. 3 years back when i'm so eager to enroll myself into boarding school (well put aside my brother's experiences in boarding sch and the rumours), i couldn't even imagine the entire life living with strangers, sharing a room of eight and imagining how my privacy and freedom had lessen. maybe because Friendster didn't do its job of providing informations like Facebook did. :p

the existence of Facebook helps in a way.


and again, why are we nervous?

2. because we're EXCITED :D



we asked this and that, like: are we allowed to do this and that? what are the dos and don'ts? how long is raya holiday and when is it? etc. i am not excluded, of course. but to think back the upcoming 2 years of experiencing it ourselves, why don't we sit back and relax, enjoying every single day left? no.

3. because we're DOOMED :|



lol, that sounds way too much, but frankly speaking, i am afraid. not sure if any of my colleagues experience the same thing.

well, i used to be a timid girl, very, very insecure. i thought too much on what others think of me despite the fact that they're not even noticing me, lol, that's paranoid. but having this 'fear feeling' actually taught me on how to be self-aware, to be careful on how you behave, how you talk to others, how to keep mouth shut whenever you have to. and what am i afraid of? obviously because of the whole new world i'll be facing in less than a month! i'm leaving my family, my friends, my neighbours with dogs and cats who often went berserk out of no where and most of all, my real life here, in tawau. seremban is way too far, mom :(

i'm sorry if i can't adapt to this new life as fast as others need me to. it takes time, but definitely i'll try my best :)

4. because the seniors had gone through it and they're all very POSITIVE :)



thanks seniors for the advices, for the details on IB and A-level, for the pictures of KMS (hehe) and even for the useful links related to IB, you guys helped us a lot! and i'm sorry if we had troubled you guys with our silly questions. *hehe*

thanks =')

so friends, let's make it! put aside the difficulties, the issue on newcastle university twinning program, the probability of flying overseas, the placement after IB etc, because the only thing we ought to think of for the time being is how to survive simultaneously enjoy the life of IB itself.


لاَ يُكَلِّفُ اللّهُ نَفْساً إِلاَّ وُسْعَهَا
Allah only assigns a soul something it can cope with. 2:286

insyaAllah, we're the chosen ones :)

where i found guidance, discipline and love :)

it's weird when i know abah was well-known by the nickname of bugis, especially in the village called kampung jawa. and as he started his business world 8 years back, people on the street even students at my age would simply call him pak cik kantin whenever they bump into him. and for his chinese friends also his former colleagues from bank, he wouldn't mind being called Ajis instead of his real name, Azis. couldn't say more, he is indeed a famous dad.

but for all this while, i've been thinking if my mom had a nickname or glamour name or at least a simple yet 'remember-able' name from her friends, and the best answer i could find is - Puan Fatimah. imagining my mom as a strict mom at home, no wonder she was crowned with that bossy name.

my parents couldn't have been more different emotionally. abah is a really open-hearted person who constantly showers us with hugs and kisses no matter the occasion. as for my mom, she seldom openly showed affection. instead, she demonstrated that she cared in more practical ways. and to think back my soft-hearted dad who could simply follow our desires, my mom hardly says 'yes' to whatever things we've been craving to do. my mom did try to change though with the persuasion from my dad, but it was clear that she never felt quite right expressing her emotions. eventually she reverted to her old self.

the difference between my parents was never more stark than during the times i brought home good test results from school. my dad would practically jump for joy, offering warm and affectionate words of congratulations and even give a treat on nasi lalap. but my mother? "ah, good, good," she would typically say with a tense smile etched on her face, "do better next time, okay?"

i tried not to hold a grudge against her for being so reserved. that was just her way, i reasoned.

but as i grow a little older, as abah no longer pampered us like before, as my big brother left us to the land down under, i finally understand the phrase i often heard from my mom, "you'll understand this when you're older" :)

i thank you mom for being such a strict yet diligent homemaker, i thank you mom for being the only understanding people on earth, i thank you mom for treating us with same hard hands and i love you mom for being a great mother to all us three.

and for this i would like to wish happy belated nurses' day, happy belated labour day, happy belated mothers' day and happy teachers day to you mom.


i love you mom.

this is for you and abah, and all my teachers. thanks for the support and guidance. alhamdulillah! :)



i'll definitely put my best effort into this. thanks MARA for giving this very opportunity. =)

assalamualaikum! =D

just a few words to say =')

i had loved april, events that occurred last month had been favourable: especially on the royal wedding. hehe! =D



it would cost such a great loss if someone had missed the live broadcast of this magnificent wedding of the century. owh, it was the sweetest fairytale ever :)



yeah i know sitting in front of the television wouldn't be as pleasant as hours of standing in the midst of Westminster Abbey. but i must admit that everything was exquisitely beautiful! kate looked absolutely stunning in her wedding dress and william looked like he was the happiest man in the world =D

it was a real life fairytale. how i wish i could be like kate someday. prince harry, will you marry me? lol xD

owh, in case you're wondering where have i been missing for the last two months (bajet orang baca blog dia. lol xD) i went to MARA's scholarship interview last week in kk and it went quite well. alhamdulillah, praise to Allah, i was blessed with wonderful people around me, who had been helping me, even until the last minute, owh, i have no idea how to thank you guys! =')



special thanks to my parents, my big brother and my lil sister, my teachers, aunty natashah and teacher pauline, my friends (especially those who attended the interview), family friend from perak: uncle malik and muhaimin, family friend from kedah: uncle sobri and aunty, nazreen and baku --> owh, you helped a lotttt :)

THANKS A ZILLION =)

hope for good news. amin. by the way, alhamdulillah and congratulations to my bestiee: andy nurehan and a few friends of mine for getting places in Tanta University in Egypt, to kakak mumun and fera for the driving license and to nazreen sobri for the scholar! owh, you guys rock! godspeed guys! =)

to andy, kaka mumun, amirah, laima, safe'nana, fera, iswari, niza, kiki, inma, fatihah, zaimah, fadzillah, semualah! :)
ya Allah, permudahkanlah jalan kami ya Allah, kekalkan lah persahabatan hamba-Mu bersama ukhti-ukhti ini ya Allah, mereka terlalu banyak membantu hamba-Mu ketika hamba-Mu sedang rapuh dan goyah. insyaAllah, Allah Al-alim, Allah akan tunjukkan apa yang terbaik. amin.

sahabat-sahabatku, saya cinta kamu sampai mati. ukhwah fillah =')

okay, till then. assalamualaikum! =D

the unexpected smoking guy

the age old debate; are smoking men sexy or nasty? O.o


does this look sexy to you?

nahh, for an 18-year-old-girl like me, the first question was supposed to be: "why do men smoke?" *now that sounds nerd* -.-

well, i'll never have that guts to really ask the chain smokers why but i'm quite sure that i'll get a variety of answers from them. it's really difficult to find a single answer about the reasons of smoking, it's like; people have valid reasons for smoking and more or less they enjoy smoking. err, yeah, "enjoy". the feeling of ease and pleasure after smoking that they can do their job easily and more comfortably. like, they have to follow some kind of smoking-schedule-routinely, then they'll call it as a REAL LIFE.

weird, strange, and "WHY???!!!!". yes, still: WHY DO THEY SMOKE??

1. for any-health-concious-homosapien-on-earth would say:
"they're addicted and can't help themselves. that's the only reason."

2. for temporary-smokers-like-they're-not-going-to-be-addicted would say:
"alas, it's not like we're going to die instantly. i'm not a heavy smoker though. i smoke slim cigarettes. i just really like it, care much?"

3. for forever-and-ever-smokers-like-he'll-never-let-them-go-even-for-one-single-second would say:
"we are all going to die at some point. i've had so many friends die at a very early age, not related to tobacco, which i realized to do the things in life that i like to do. i won't die worrying when the sky is going to fall, i love smoking."

see? when we get to compare these three answers, there's one obvious reason; clearly because they are living their life to the fullest, BUT with their own ways.



......................................



wait, am i encouraging people smoking?

the history few years back changed my perception towards any smoking guy. my grandfather left us just because of this tiny little monster: cigarette. but before he left us, that cigarette left him first. yes, he had this sudden-stop-smoking, and that's what took away his live.

until yesterday, i saw a friend took out a pack of cigarettes, removing a cigarette, and lighting it, and yes: he had that almost ritualistic satisfaction, exactly like my grandpa used to. i was helpless, i did nothing but peek. i spoke nothing and ignored. i was completely a useless friend. but who am i to stop him? was that really him? standing there smoking??

i have no idea.



please, please don't smoke guys. you can still be a manly guy without cigarette. chill yawww~ =D

assalamualaikum! =D

money and me T.T

i checked my first salary in Public Bank today and yahoooo~ my current savings increased! teehee! =D

OKAY, it's not that much. but alhamdulillah i finally earn my own money!! so, i think firmly right after i saw the figures. RM***.**. it's not even 1k yet. YET. the thing is not get freaked out by how much i happened to spend for all this while. it's water under the bridge. the point is today is the beginning of my frugal life. i swear i'll cut my expenditure by half or maybe more or worse not even using any of it 'cause i reckon i can do much better than that. HEHE! :p





i've decided not to withdraw any single cent. let it grows and me: become richer =D

and as a result, i walked along the street with an empty purse. (right -.-) but i felt pure and refreshed. look at all those people on the street, scurrying around, thinking about nothing but money (especially this one fat guy i met in BSN, i think i saw some money scratch on his forehead -.-)



money, money, money, it's simply an obsession. but once you relinquish money altogether, it ceases to have any relevance. already, i feel i'm in completely different mindset, like seriously. less materialistic, more philosophical. more spiritual. like people always say: we all fail to appreciate each day just how much we already possess. light, air, freedom, love, the companionship of friends. i mean, these are things that matter, aren't they? not clothes, shoes, and fripperies. -.-

it's almost frightening, the transformation which already occured within me. for instance, i walked past the magazine kiosk and idly GLANCE OVER - but i don't feel the slightiest desire to buy any of the magazines in offer. they are so irrelevant in my new life.

so i kept on walking, feeling serene and impervious: like a buddhist monk -.- and to my own surprise, i walked straight past the discount shoe shop without even looking, and straight past Vinci's too. no more cendol today. no more nasi lalap. no spending at all, just straight to amanah saham to open my new account there. T.T
(and saving in amanah saham is indeed a good investment since they offer a higher percent of interest compared to the other banks. source: my dad)

so now, i'm planning on transferring a huge amount of money from my Alliance Bank's account into Amanah Saham. hehe! good plan =D

and i'm so sorry if i have to decline any of my friend's invitation to any money-requiring-events: because obviously I'M SAVING~ lalala :D


but of course, fatney, i'll keep my words on that nasi lalap's treat and to my smsp's friends: i am soooo looking forward for the steamboat thing! hehe! (once in a blue moon maa. never mind one =p)



anywho, i'll stick to these two new words: frugality and simplicity. well, probably my new watch-words :/


a new, uncluttered, Zen-like life, in which i spend nothing. seriously. -.-


till then everyone, sweet dreams! assalamualaikum =D

what if i die today?

in Islam, we believe that the present life is a trial in preparation for the next realm of existence. when we die, we are washed and wrapped in a clean, white cloth and buried after a special prayer (sembahyang jenazah), preferably the same day. it's like a final service that muslims can do for the decease and an opportunity to remember that their own existence here on earth is brief.

brief. life on earth is too brief. there's a friend of mine (in my former boarding school), well though i'm not really close to her, but i really love to take a glimpse on her table, since she's sitting near to me. i was doomed when i saw the note 'ingat mati' (means remember death). and to all of a sudden, these few days, i've been thinking on the same thing, what if i die tomorrow, what if i die the next hour, what if i die in a few seconds by now? anything can just happen, with Allah's will.

and when i think and look back into my past, i can't remember how much sins that i've done, how much bad things that i've thought etc. simply because i've done too much of it; how could i just wash it away like we use to when cleaning up the KFC? how could i just cleanse my heart to make it as crystal clear as the heart when i was born last 18 years? ya Allah, i beg for your forgiveness, astaghfirullah.



just imagine yourself after you pass away, imagine your grave through nights and days. you wished you didn't do what syaitans said, you wished that you had got up and had prayed. and imagine the day that you died, imagine all of the tears that the others cried for you, how it felt when your body was tied, how it felt in the grave which you lied. astaghfirullah.

imagine the day you'll be called to account, imagine the sum to which your life will amount. think for a moment of the deeds which you mount, think for a moment how much they will count.

MAROBBUKA? (who is your God?)
MA DINUKA? (what is your religion?)
MA KIBLATUKA? (what is your qibla?)
MA NABIYUKA? (who is your prophet?)
MA KITABUKA? (what is your kitab?)

will i be able to answer them? will my mouth work on that very day? will my good deeds pull me out of the big deep fiery hole? or perhaps my sins are too much that i'll be thrown into that fiery hole. masyaAllah, i need guidance, i need your guidances ya Allah.

yes, Allah, Lord of mankind and jinn. 'think of Allah when tempted to sin, think of the paradise which you will dwell in'. that's what kak murni told me. remember Him, our only Creator. and alhamdulillah, i am really fortune to know you kak murni. thanks for the book once again, alhamdulillah ;)

and andy, i'll make an entry on my working place later, insyaAllah. and sorry for the late post, i'm too busy these days. and to my abang, do take care yaw! remember to skype me yaa! ;D

till then, assalamualaikum! :D

nasi lalap craving - satiated! :D

current mood: extremely happy like never before :DD

while considering what dish to make for lunch today, i've been fighting a serious cold since this morning. so as a result i've been craving for some comfort food; more likely to be spicy and hot (straight from the kitchen!) *woah!* :D

as usual, i asked my dad what to cook and blah blah blahhh -.-
and surprisingly - my dad offered me a treat!!! and it's nasi lalap at my favourite spot! huarghhhhhhhhhhhhh! :DDD


it's double treat babe!
dad drives + dad pays! :D


row of stores in taman semarak :)
(the biggest regency in tawau, huargh! :D)


anddd, here we are!
WARUNG JAWA :D



it's the best best best spot to experience the best quality of food yet paying the littlest to the owner! no government tax charged people! support Java's (Jawa) community since it's Javanese's cuisine! (i'm one of the community too fyi. hehe ;p)

besides char keow teow, my all time favourite food is NASI LALAP. huhh? lalap? or lalat? lalap rice? what theeeee??? chill yaw, for those who're not well awared of this marvelous food, kindly take a glimpse at the pictures below:



yes, that's fried chicken. well, unlike the kentucky fried chicken in kfc's restaurant, this is classic! after all fried food (especially fried chicken) is my ultimate comfort food; though i don't eat it as often for obvious reason, but i love the contrast of the exterior crunchiness and the interior tenderness. while chewing it, even to the tiniest bit, you'll crave for another crispy taste of the chicken. then you'll have no more mercy towards any chicken in this world. when you see them, you wish yourself is a vampire (one of the cullen's to be exact) - grab the chicken and eat it aliveeeeee!! muahahahahahahahaha *evil laugh*

........................


*wait, is it halal?*


-________________-

(the part where 'you grab alive chicken and eat' is of course not halal but nasi lalap is hundred percently HALAL. no worries :D)


the fried chicken and the soup (not in the picture) were as delicious as ever, but without the sauce (sambal) the meal just wasn’t complete. and the only way to know if the items work as a whole meal is to taste the sambal. trust me, if the sambal works; the whole meal will taste perfecto!

let's look back, if you've ever bumped into Java people, or Java's community, or just look at the people in Java, Indonesia itself; most of them have good bodies. i mean; THEY ARE MOSTLY SLIM :D

why? because they're being good to their body. see, even they're eating fried chicken, but simultaneously, they apply raw vegetables into their meal. they'll not only have a better digestion but also improve their skin appearance. and the most effective ways of getting a good skin is to eat RAW EGG. haha, this tastes soooo good :D



last but not least, the major supply of carbohydrates from a well steamed rice. malaysian people always think shedding extra weight is a difficult task. but the fact is that they are not aware of the true fact that one can easily shed their build up fat just by following proper diet, proper exercise as well as more important health supplement.

there's nothing wrong to eat rice, well some would say it provides 2 times of carbs but less energy than what bread offers; but still, we can't simply decline the fact that rice is our main dish. it's okay to eat rice but not too much.

my mom's advice: eat frequent but little. bear in mind to eat enough to feel satisfied, but not overly full.

imagine this perfect meal. savor its flavors. reflect on its health benefits, simply fills your table deliciously and nutritionally. instead of wasting money in high class restaurants, why not having this frugal lunch?

it only costs RM4.00 people (exclusive in Warung Jawa)!
bon apetit! :D



btw, my friends are having their worst boredom ever. they created a secret group. and to my-OH-MY; the name of the group is AYAT-AYAT CINTA. so-not-cool. and i'm accidentally added into that so-jiwang group -.-



salam! :D

goodbye in advance

muahahahaha *extremely evil laugh*

it may sound evil or maybe to those with the highest modesty and courtesy; it's more likely to be a rude manner as for a little girl treating her own brother who's going to spend his next 3 years in the land down under (to pursue his degree in electrical and electronic engineering in university of queensland, brisbane) a week more from now with an advance goodbye? nah, don't get me wrong, i'm still a good sister to a big brother. (well that 'good' doesn't really work on a big sister to a little sister though)

never mind. -.-


so, my mom and him is flying to KL tomorrow; not that he's going to stay there until 18th then he'll fly and leave me and my little sister! *become emo to all of a sudden* well just for a few days. for vacation or some issues on buying his thangs before he gets there i guess.

so; what's the bed time story for today, let's see.



the above picture was taken during last year's eid. i look like macik, no, MATURED (the one who's wearing blue gradient hijab -.-). what can i say; everyone's aging and unfortunately i AM one of the 'everyone'. okay, ignore.

once my brother is there: i'll be definitely doing these 6 compulsory things. seriously.

1. RINGING UP HIM FOR TIMES LIKE SERIOUSLY I'M WORRIED
of course, what else can i do to hear his macho voice? come'on, i love him mann.

2. ECSTATIC MUCH TO EXPERIENCE MY ONCE-IN-A-BLUE-MOON VIDEO CHAT
kesian, seriously i've done this once and it is soooooo COOL *jakun*


4. "QAYYUM, COME'ON, UPLOAD SOME PHOTOS THERE, HELLO??"
trust me, this very sentence will be ignored by my brother. he thinks i'm annoying. haha, I AM :D


5. "ABANG SAYA SUDA FLY PEGI AUSSIE"
wah! this is what i'll answer the-always-asked-questions after 18th feb. *bangga siot*

6. LAST BUT NOT LEAST "HOW'S YOUR UNIVERSITY? STILL IN BANJIR??"
of course i'm worried. brisbane is reeling from its worst flooding since 30 years ago. plus, he's my brother mannnnn. (hek eleh, konon prihatin xp)

people, it's not that i'm proud of him pursuing study to oversea. it's just that having an amusing brother like him, being a sister to an amazing brother like me (well though it sounds the same) makes you feel inspired. instead of reading The Malay Dilemma by Dr Mahathir, i could just be inspired by my own brother; and instead of watching the motivation shows 24/7, i could be just as passionate as he is since he taught me so much on life. he proves to everyone that anything is possible; if only we pray and put our hardest effort on it. he's an achiever, he's always been the one :D

i know my brother has inspired me to be my best now, reach out, be all of who i am and what i can be, share with others and learn from others by connecting with others, like i am here, through my blog and in person.

just for you to know big bro, i am proud of you and really looking forward for your new pics. haha, gotcha! (your profile pic bau hapak daaaa) here's praying everything goes fine, insyaAllah. godspeed big bro! :D


and guess it's not too late for sunday laughs, aite? watch this. this comedian, urm; no, this dude (rude pulak), this guy; nahh, this youtuber is going to aussie too and maybe my bro knew him 'cause they seemed to have the same pre-depart at selangor last last last week i suppose. he's going to sydney if i'm not mistaken; for his TESL degree. hee! he's cool and EXCEPTIONALLY HILARIOUS mannn! check this out:


this is one of my favourite.

he uploaded his latest vid on our natinal anthem: Negaraku. couldn't agree more with his views. just like what my bro said: "budak TESL memang hebat becakap". THEY ARE.

till then readers (bajet nyewwwwww adeww orang bacewwwwwwww blog diewwwww) haha!

oh yeah, cooked this with my mom for lunch today. bon apetit! :D


best eaten with chinese tea or pu er (herbal tea)
due to the current chinese new year celebration.
haha, one malaysia maaa! :D

my homemade seafood vs on-land-organisms (chic + vege) mee curry :D

salam! :D

how to be as young as i am :D

happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. happy birthday to yiyin, happy birthday to meee. *takes a bow* :D

i’m halfway to 36 now. HEHE! *nods importantly*

not that i look like it, mind you. actually, i look more like halfway to 20, but that’s not the point. *wonders quietly to herself if she even had a point to begin with*

*decides to wing it and go with it anyways*

well, it’s 11:45am on my 18th birthday and i have now spoken with every member of my family. this is somewhat unusual for us since we hardly gather around especially when people in my house are aging. HAHA! mind you. so i’m feeling pretty shiny right now.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- Lucille Ball

stay YOUNG?? guess none of you would shake your head and say no this time. gotcha! TEEHEEEE :D

1. LIVE HONESTLY


to be honest means to speak the truth, even if it's difficult or gets you into trouble. honest people communicate in an open, upfront way; they do not lie, cheat, steal, or manipulate information to conceal it from others; they reveal the truth.

but, is there any exception for honesty? are we allowed to tell a "white lie" to protect someone's feelings? i did it too and sometimes i have to, so i do it again. so, as i turn 18, i want to be straight forward and frank but not the harmful way, but a nicer way instead. no more sarcastic me and no more beautiful lies. i'm me and looking forward for a better me! stay true and keep believing to our only creator, Allah swt. insyaAllah.

2. EAT SLOWLY

scratch that, i'll go for EAT LESS :D


as i'm turning 18, and the whole world's scientists had made a huge mistake to the entire subjects standing on our beloved Mother Earth by announcing; girls who once reach the age of 18 will have a constant growth until they reach 60 then they'll have osteoporosis then their height will eventually decrease. whether that theory works or not; i'm going to eat less. watched Dream High; episodes 8 and 9 today - how pilsuk can lose 30 kg for 200 days, it works on my self-esteem *yet i knew it isn't true that she's really fat* -,-

well, let's just say: i'll no longer grow vertically as what i had been doing for my last 18 years of my life but instead, i'll grow horizontally due to the undigested carbs turning into FAT -,-

and thank God i maintained my weight since the last day of spm. i don't really work out; just having some java-slimming-tips from my mom. hehe, and surprisingly, my mom has the same weight as me! imagine how slim she is! (if you know how slim i am, haha) hmmmm, so; guess i should post some of the slimming tips for you guys next entry. *high five* ;p

anyway, eating slowly is one of the ways to lose weight and have a better digestion besides enjoying the whole meal. trust me; slow eating will definitely turn you into a-slim-royal-yet-prissy-princess. it really works! especially when people ask to you to eat quickly, like; "hey you, eat quickly, we're getting late!" then your answer must be: "i'm sorry but i need to eat slowly, to be SLIMMMMMM" *well of course after chewing every bits in your mouth. i have no idea what does that mean. -,- *ignore that*

try work on this. this may help too ;)

"eat breakfast like a princess, lunch like a commoner, and dinner like a beggar"
- Dream High ep 8

3. LIE ABOUT YOUR AGE


recently (last week i guess) Malaysia Hari Ini in tv3 issued on a quite cliche question (well for those aging, of course, am i included?) - "Do You Lie About Your Age?" then, i asked myself: "age doesn't bother you, does it?" did I have to think about it? i'm just going to be 18, age is simply a state of mind, it won't appear on tv or your ID or even on your forehead just to tell the entire world that you're aging!

surely everyone has heard the cliche, "you're only as old as you feel", so i have the guts to ask you, whoever you are, whatever number your age will turn to : "How Do You Feel?" do you wake in the morning and lie there with problems weighing your mind, or do you get up and look out the window or sit on your porch and see the beauty surrounding that has been gifted you?

what we must understand is that, everyone has a past, even a teenager as young as me have my own. there has been losses, pain, misery and mistakes, but how can we move on into the glory of our elder years and enjoy what life still has to offer, if we dwell in the pity of our minds.

DEATH, yes; is inevitable. and we all must leave this wonderful world one day, and even though you may have lost a parent, a friend, a pet, you are still here and must live to the best of your ability. "we all have a purpose and if we don't let go, we will be eaten alive by the ugly old aging monster, bound by pain, wrinkles and a nasty, negative attitude. "be nice to people and be nice to yourself." that's what my dad told me, that's why he didn't look like a half-decade-man (even though that's his real age. hehe. oopps! ;p)

so i have to ask you, "How Do You Feel"? that will determine your age. lying about your age? nah, i'll stick for the first tip: 1. LIVE HONESTLY. besides, it's just a number, a state of mind ;)


so, how to be as young as an-18-years-old-but-look-more-like-10 like ME?? xD

try #1 and #2. ignore #3, it's harmful, to your soul especially. remember to cleanse our heart everyday, even by doing the littlest thing - whenever you bump into rubbish, pick it up, throw it into dustbin and say alhamdulillah! it could make your day a lot more meaningful. trust me, i've done that one! save our mother earth :D

almost forget; thanks for all the birthday wishes guys. and a BIG-BIG-MANSION thanks to my family for celebrating my birthday with homemade steamboat and special thanks to my big bro for buying the most expensive birthday cake i've ever had in my life! and not to forget my birthday celebration with my beloved teacher yesterday, we had a blast! :D

salam! :D

p/s: sorry for the grammatical and spelling errors. too lazy to check on that. zzz -,-