Monday, December 7, 2009

maybe not.

greetings charms, seems that i'm back on track to update this baby. i haven't put my butt off busy updating my blog yet, still searching for appropriate times since i'm so preoccupied with my schedules. i'm improving. well, at least.

miserable days i've went through put me in a deep down position, real deep. realizing the miles which are adding up and the days which are counting down didn't really work out if my decision is to remain this way. cut the jet black from my hair before we're bathed in the dawn. yeah, i'm fully grown. not really, 'cause i'm still figuring out to become a lil bit taller. please?

life taught us and thoughts twist words. infinity of life existed and exists since life is ever-changing. i've never put an end in my life, 'cause every end begins with a starting point. yes, i just received my result and it was...indescribable?

Bahasa Melayu - 90 [A]
Bahasa Inggeris - 84 [A]

Pendidikan Agama Islam - 87 [B+]
Sejarah - 85 [A]
Mathematics - 87 [A]
Additional Math - 83 [A]

Physics - 75 [A]
Chemistry - 74 [B+]
Biology - 74 [B+]

Pendidikan Jasmani dan kesihatan- 88 [A] :D
Pendidikan Sivik dan kewarganegaraan - 87 [A]

pointer ----> 3.86 -.-


PJK and PHYSICS relieve me but my pointer drops 0.01 and it's probably because of my laziness. well, IT IS. thank God i've noticed some dogs and cats went berserk over mates which have given me at least some wake up call while my neighbours are having their very World War which have at least inspired me to go to my room and not-to-busy-body but to study instead, my vacations are great enough but nothing would be greater if i spend my time sleeping at home and pay my abandoned sleeping debt instead. yes, i'm still down.

he's moving back to his home town next year. i have no right to stop him, yes but no, i dont. i've hurted him so much and the only thing i hope from him is his apology. maybe his friends or even my friends would say i'm cruel much but i'm really lucky to have such an understanding friend like him 'cause he's the only one who'd understand everything and i hope it is for real. i'll be definitely missing him, his memories, everything about him..

.........................................

sometimes, i would ask myself or maybe just a lil wish for myself to have the only thing i've been missing for all this while. i've been sooo demanding, asking for stupid things for my own good and finally i realized how selfish i was. but please, if this is the only demand or the last wish i would hope for, the only thing i would ask for is another chance.

if only i could ask for another chance and get things back to normal, everything will be fine, isn't it? if only i could ask for another chance to explain everything, everything will be better than this, isn't it? if only, i could ask for another chance to just see him a lil while, everything just won't vanish away just like this...

but no..the only thing to demand, or maybe just wish is a sincere apology. i'm sorry.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

losing my mojo.


"Bella, i couldnt live myself if i ever hurt you.
you dont know how it's tortured me.
the thought of you still, white, cold..."


new moon's movie is okay but i'm really not okay. new moon's book is better but i'll never feel any much better. Jacob is great but drinking milo with Jacob's biscuit would be greater. Edward is hot but Jacob is way much hotter. no matter what team will i choose, it doesn't really matter.

'cause honestly, i dont even give a damn about it.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

i'm mourning.

every single life will come to the end, it's just the matter of time


my grandma had just passed away. i'm recovering. too many things happened, and i know my friends are questioning. about my relationship status, i'm single and thats the end. i'm just not ready for any more commitment. please understand. and after this, i might not be the same anymore. life's been soo hard. i'm truly dissapointed of myself. and, if you're questioning why did i do 'this' to him, i have my own reason. i'm really down. please, i'm not ready and i really need some time.

i'm mourning and recovering.

moans and groans are thrown, mourn wont be forever. neither fame nor fortune, only prayers would be grown.
[al-fatihah]