instead of preparation for IB, i'd rather talk about feelings :D

alhamdulillah, again and again i'm very grateful that He arranges this journey so perfectly. being offered in international baccalaureate for medicine was indeed my dream and now, it's a reality. insyaAllah.

so these days i've been reading on IB, yet i asked a lot even to the littlest things. *pardon my ignorance, seniors :)*

and through my observations, the most discussed topics were more or less on the level of difficulty itself and schedule conflicts. especially when it comes to assignments like EE, TOK and 150 hours of CAS to be completed over junior and senior years. and truth to be told, i am nervous as well.

1. therefore we tend to keep on feeling ANXIOUS :/
- in spite the nervousness that we already had. in fact, we're more curious to know more, what's this and that and all these are literally from internet specifically through the free web service that i'm using now, Blogger and the most reliable social web ever: Facebook. 3 years back when i'm so eager to enroll myself into boarding school (well put aside my brother's experiences in boarding sch and the rumours), i couldn't even imagine the entire life living with strangers, sharing a room of eight and imagining how my privacy and freedom had lessen. maybe because Friendster didn't do its job of providing informations like Facebook did. :p

the existence of Facebook helps in a way.


and again, why are we nervous?

2. because we're EXCITED :D



we asked this and that, like: are we allowed to do this and that? what are the dos and don'ts? how long is raya holiday and when is it? etc. i am not excluded, of course. but to think back the upcoming 2 years of experiencing it ourselves, why don't we sit back and relax, enjoying every single day left? no.

3. because we're DOOMED :|



lol, that sounds way too much, but frankly speaking, i am afraid. not sure if any of my colleagues experience the same thing.

well, i used to be a timid girl, very, very insecure. i thought too much on what others think of me despite the fact that they're not even noticing me, lol, that's paranoid. but having this 'fear feeling' actually taught me on how to be self-aware, to be careful on how you behave, how you talk to others, how to keep mouth shut whenever you have to. and what am i afraid of? obviously because of the whole new world i'll be facing in less than a month! i'm leaving my family, my friends, my neighbours with dogs and cats who often went berserk out of no where and most of all, my real life here, in tawau. seremban is way too far, mom :(

i'm sorry if i can't adapt to this new life as fast as others need me to. it takes time, but definitely i'll try my best :)

4. because the seniors had gone through it and they're all very POSITIVE :)



thanks seniors for the advices, for the details on IB and A-level, for the pictures of KMS (hehe) and even for the useful links related to IB, you guys helped us a lot! and i'm sorry if we had troubled you guys with our silly questions. *hehe*

thanks =')

so friends, let's make it! put aside the difficulties, the issue on newcastle university twinning program, the probability of flying overseas, the placement after IB etc, because the only thing we ought to think of for the time being is how to survive simultaneously enjoy the life of IB itself.


لاَ يُكَلِّفُ اللّهُ نَفْساً إِلاَّ وُسْعَهَا
Allah only assigns a soul something it can cope with. 2:286

insyaAllah, we're the chosen ones :)

tomorrow.

30th of December,
the day after today,
the day when everything will change,
the day where everything will be revealed,
the day how am i gonna face the truth,
that i've waited for so long and finally, here it comes.

it comes without any hesitation but it hesitates me.
it comes without any reasons but there's a reason for me.
it comes without any choices and i've no choice but to face it.

it is so near but it seems so far,
it is always the only one yet unreachable.
it is the only mystery til it'd become my curiosity,
but it'll be no longer irritates me when tomorrow comes by its own mystery.

it is the flower of what i've planted,
it is the product of what i've produced,
it is the effort of what i've attempted for,
and it is the answer of what i'm searching for.

yes, the PMR RESULTS.

pray for me guys. i guess i couldn't sleep tonight. all i've wanted from you guys are your encourage and blessings. but no matter what happen, i know i'm gonna face it 'cause tomorrow never dies.

Ya Allah, berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk menghadapi apa yang telah Engkau tentukan, ya Allah. Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Besar lagi Maha Kuasa. aku redha Ya Allah. amin.

reflection.

took stock of my appearance in the mirror today. i have only grown a couple of inches for the whole year. it really sounds terrible. i'm now 15 and my height is just *** cm? no, i'm gonna eat as much calcium as i can ! i must do that for the sake of myself ! now, i must reconcile myself to the fact that i will be the one of those people who never get a good view in the cinema. unless i sat alone in the cinema hall, i suppose to.

let's get the story short, i'm SHORT !
damn ! how am i suppose to grow taller?
please people, i'm begging here, could y'all give me some tips to grow taller?
especially those mr and miss galah, will ya?

urgh, and next year, i'm no longer 15. i'm 16 ! another two years for me to grow until i stop growing on my 18th year of living in this world. plus, i'm gaining weight right now?! gosh, i'm gonna ban myself from eating rice. rice is fattening me !

but thank God, my ass and thighs are shrinking right now. hahah. an improvement i guess. and overall, i failed three relationships this year. i'm always a failure in lovey-dovey. perhaps it's not my time yet but at least, it's a remarkable achievement, don't you think so? how many love failure that have the same achievement like me in this world? so, i'm the so-called failure. hah hah hah. =.=

as a child of fifteen, it's a fact for me to face my biggest doom ever, PMR results. how do you feel when almost everyone is hoping for ya? even the principal of the school? how do you feel when people think you're the only one?

okei, i'm taking 9 subjects for my pmr. it's a high risk cuz i'm taking chinese for the extra subject. chinese is not my mother tongue, not my culture either. i'm a malay but i mix with chinese since i was three. i speak chinese 12 hours out of 24 hours, to my friends and even to my siblings. but it really freaks me out. i just don't know if i could score my chinese. same goes to my Agama Islam. huh. i'm so dead.

so, i'm gonna make my new year's resolutions right after i get my results. i really need to improve myself, especially my height and weight ! urgh. and plus plus, i'm wearing tudung to school next year. it's gonna be a huge change next year. be prepared, patricians ! :D